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Tasha's Tales

A journey to encourage other Muslims to travel

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I haven’t posted in ages but I felt #worldbreastfeedingweek needed a post from me as it’s so close to my heart. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Nael was around 10 maybe 11 days old on this photo and this was the very first time I fed him in public. I was so apprehensive and scared but he was absolutely amazing. What we learnt quite quickly however was how much he hated this maternity wrap. So we scrapped it pretty much straight away and I learnt different ways to feed him whilst staying modest. After this very first time, I was never scared or apprehensive about feeding him publicly or afraid about what people said.
If motherhood has taught me one thing. It would be about relationships. Friendships, birth relationships, any kind of relationships. If my child doesn’t know who you are or your existence, then it reflects on how much of a presence you have in our lives. Ultimately, my child is my present and my future. I will spend all my love, efforts and time with the ones who want to be in our lives.
You’re so loved Nael. Each and every single day my love for you grows. But that love doesn’t come on it’s own. With that love comes my never ending worries and fears about you, about your health and your well being. I worry about your allergies. I worry about everything that you eat. I worry about your sadness during car journeys. I am proud yet apprehensive about your sensitive little soul. Your eagerness to “make friends” brings such dread inside of me because I don’t want you to be vulnerable or an easy target. My head and my heart never stop thinking and panicking about everything relating to you. But I think that is what unconditional love of a mother is. It’s all those things combined.
You want the world for your kids, right? Everyone wants their child to be the brightest, the kindest or the funniest. When nael was born I wanted to show him the world. We took him to Malta at the age of 4 months, at 11 months he went to Tunisia and at 15 months we took him to Copenhagen for the weekend. In between that time he visited wales a couple of times, had a trip down to London, visit Birmingham a few times, a day out in Liverpool and regular trips to Newcastle. We had an awesome time and made some wonderful memories but we had our challenges during those trips.
Motherhood is waking up several times through the night. Sometimes because your child is uneasy or unsettled. But other times just because you want an excuse to check up on them.
Lockdown has all been about this guy. Our ups, downs and everything in between. You know parents often think their kids are so lucky to have them and should be “grateful” etc etc. But I don’t know, I feel we’re the ones who should be grateful. Grateful that we were able to conceive, carry a baby and deliver a healthy baby. From the very start they begin to teach us so much. About life, perseverance and resilience. I know it doesn’t always feel like that. But sometimes, just sometimes when we get a moment of silence, it really is lovely to think about all that we’ve learnt from these little humans!!

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