Okay, so this post is very close to my heart. I am in a place in my life where I feel like I am being pushed and pulled at the same time.

Prior to migrating to Qatar and prior to meeting my husband, I was someone who used to call themselves a ‘Muslim’. I was by no means a practising Muslim as such. I was a Muslim just by name. Around 2013 I did not even know names of our Prophet Mohammed (SAW) family members. And in all fairness, all I knew was there is no deity, but God. I believed in the Almighty with all my heart. After all, He had blessed me in so many ways. But I did not know much else other than the words La illaha ilAllah Muhammad rasoolAllah.

My journey started when I moved to Qatar. The move to Qatar was exciting yet depressing at times. I spent hours offering my prayers. Praying for an answer. Praying for some guidance. During this time, I had applied for numerous jobs and attended many interviews. As I waited to hear back from employers, I started to question my credibility and employability as I felt trapped in the four walls that surrounded me.

Eventually I was offered two jobs; one in a Pakistani school with a very good reputation and another job in an Islamic British school. After thinking long and hard, I decided to accept the job offer at the Islamic school. I believe He is the best planner and that is the reason I ended up in the Islamic school. I can confidently say that my experience at the school changed me. Changed me in ways that I might never know. I had the privilege to be in the company of the most humble and modest Muslims for 6 months. Sisters that will forever remain in my heart. Students whose faces I will never forget. Miss Aisha, the manager whose faith in God inspired me.

Though I do not claim to be the perfect Muslim, nor do I claim to have a great, intense Islamic knowledge, I believe I am now a somewhat better informed of what a Muslim is. However this journey has not been one without any turbulence.

Between April 2015 – December 2015, I spent my time trying to fit in, trying to make sense of how my life had changed and developed. As time went on, one thing was sure. Whilst we were living in Qatar, I wanted to perform Ummrah with Ahmed. Ahmed had already been for Ummrah a number of times, so I felt confident that it would be a very achievable task.

In December 2015, we finally applied for our visas for Saudi Arabia. It was quite an interesting and long experience which even consisted of them giving me injections for meningitis and some other vaccination. Once we gathered all our paper work, the passports were sent to Saudi Embassy for visas.

On 5th January we got a phone call to say that the Visa had arrived. We were completely overjoyed and drove straight to their office to collect it in the evening.

When we got home that evening, I received a phone call from my mum. She was inconsolable and could barely speak. Eventually the words came out of her mouth like some burning fire. My dad’s older brother, his best friend had suddenly passed away. Being thousands of miles away from my family, I never felt so alone despite the fact Ahmed was right next to me.

To say that I have been blessed with the best husband would be an understatement. We had been married for less than a year and already he had seen me at my very worst. Already he had seen me at my lowest. And already we had experienced a death in our family. It was an awful time. But I couldn’t thank the Almighty enough. What were the chances that we had just collected our visas and passports so I was able to attend his funeral in Pakistan.

After coming back to Qatar from Mirpur, I felt so alone. I had spent the last ten days or so with family and coming back to an empty apartment felt soul destroying.

But it all changed. 

We went for Ummrah just a week after returning from Mirpur. Ahmed finished work on Thursday and we headed straight to the airport. We were running extremely late and I was petrified of missing the flight. He (Ahmed) has been known to do this before you see…. He missed his last flight to Medinah and ended up going to Saudi for less than 24 hours!

Somehow, miraculously we made it to the airport in time. I hadn’t been out of the house in an Abaya and a Hijab, but I really enjoyed the experience and felt the part.

The journey was quick and we got there before we knew it. We landed in Medinah and headed straight to our hotel which was down the road from Al-Masjid an-Nabawi (Prophet’s Mosque)

As I have mentioned before, my faith before Qatar was weak and so was my knowledge. I didn’t think that the striking Green Dome rising above the tombs of the Prophet Muhammad SAW would have such an impact on me. I was mesmerised by the beauty of this Mosque. I sat outside for hours just staring at it as I waiting for Ahmed to come back from inside.

As I entered the mosque and sat down to say my prayers, I noticed that there were women from absolutely all over. Young and old. Able bodied as well as disabled. There were some who looked quite wealthy and others who looked poor. Yet they all looked the same. They all had the same expressions and the same determination in on their faces. We all had the same purpose. Just before we offered our prayers and heard the Azaan, some women next to me offered their prayer mat as I didn’t have one. We didn’t speak the same language, nor were we from the same culture, but she made it clear she wanted me to share her mat. I was taken a back by her kindness and thanked her. As I thanked the women next to me, a little girl came running towards us and offered us a date. There was something so special about this moment. What a way to start out journey to Ummrah.

Day 1: Seeing the sites in Medinah before heading to Mecca in the evening

We woke up feeling really fresh after a good night sleep! We started the day early as Ahmed wanted to show me lots of historical sites. We prayed Nafls in all the Mosques that we saw.

We timed it so we could return back in time for Jummah to pray in Al-Masjid an-Nabawi. This will perhaps be one of my favourite memories from the trip. I felt so blessed and overwhelmed to be sat amongst so many other Muslims. As soon as we completed our prayers, we got some lunch from KFC (BAD MOVE) and went back to the hotel to get freshened up.

We didn’t waste any time and quickly grabbed a cab to go to Mecca. We stopped at a Miqat (Miqats are the areas or locations at which pilgrims wear Ihram, either for Hajj or Umrah). We offered two nafls here. This was an odd experience as the women were pushing and shoving all over the place, making it unbearable. Everyone was holding tight onto their shoes and belongings as it was utter chaos. I somehow managed to find a space and got ready to say my prayers.

The journey took between 4-6 hours I believe, could be more. Could be less! All I know was that I was exhausted.

The exertion quickly went away however. As soon as we entered the boundaries of Mecca, it started to rain a little. WOW. What an experience. I never thought I would experience rain or even a bit of drizzle whilst being in Mecca.

We got to our gorgeous hotel in Mecca and I noticed that there was a different buzz around me. Everyone seemed so happy and optimistic.

The moment I laid my eyes on the Kabah’, I couldn’t quite believe I was there. Too thrilled to take photos. Emotions running wild and a sense of feeling blessed was over taking me. It was amazing.

Luckily for me, Ahmed had done this a few times, so we quite quickly began to perform our Ummrah.

I could hear everyone chanting the same words. The same enthusiasm and the same eagerness.

Labaik Allahuma Labaik, labaik la sharika laka labaik, Innal hamda wann’imat laka wal mulk, la sharika lak

Translated this means:

“I stand up for YOUR service, O GOD! I stand up! I stand up! There is no partner with YOU! I stand up for YOUR service! Verily YOURS is the praise, the beneficence, and the dominion! There is no partner with YOU”

Praying Jummah in Al-Masjid an-Nabawi and then completing Ummrah on a Friday too! Oh what an experience!

Day 2: A sleepless night in Mecca

Having a sleepless night in Mecca was not what I had planned. I had really bad S&D. TMI, I know! But I had so many things rushing through my head. Is God punishing me? Are my sins being wiped? Or was it just the KFC?

I was hoping to go to Kabbah to read my Fajr prayer, however , I wasn’t physically able to do this. Ahmed went to say his prayers while I tried to take medication and fix myself up. I didn’t want to waste any time and wanted to experience the Kabbah all over again.

I managed to somehow wake up, have breakfast and headed out to the Kabaah. It was incredible. We offered a few prayers while we were there and also managed to carry out a couple of Tawafs.

What was really incredible about this trip was the fact that just few weeks ago I was mourning for my late uncle. I had never experienced loss like it. My faith in Allah became stronger that month. To think that our visas arrived on the day of his death, allowing me to to go to Pakistan to be with my family. And to think that I could carry out Ummrah upon my return. SubhanAllah.

What was also incredible was that I had got a job in the UK which I was starting in February the same year. I was about to leave the Country I started to call home. And I was about to part from my husband for an unknown amount of months.

My next blog post will be all about long distance relationships and spouse visa processes to the UK.